• Perspective – I took a little trip to the little hill I grew up on last year. Only I thought it was a big hill. 14 years ago, I didn’t know what SQL Server was, now I get to teach people about how to use SQL Server better. Perspective is a neat thing.
• Relationships – I’m in a lot of different ones. I’m thankful for each of them. I’ve had some amazing mentors and coaches along the way. They’ve inspired me to share what I learn, as I learn it, with others. I have an amazing wife, wonderful children and great relatives.
• Self-Employment – Last year was my first year at it. I’m still thankful for the ups and the downs and the lessons along the way.
• The SQLFamily – I’m blessed to have been born in the country I was born in – I didn’t choose that.I also sort of fell into SQL Server and I’ve been blessed by that. The support Microsoft gives, the givers in the community, etc. It’s great to work with this technology.
• Grace – God’s Grace – I’m a sinner. I deserve eternal punishment but I get eternal satisfaction in the presence of the very One who created this earth. Grace is great.

What to add?

I’m stil just as awestruck by last years today as I was this week last year. Maybe nothing. I’m so thankful for an amazing family that loves me and I love. I’m still thankful for success so far as a consultant and for all of the things above. I’m thankful that I have a great group of teens in the youth group my wife and I head. I’m stil proud of and thankful for the country I live in. The only thing I wanted to add after some of my political involvement and some of the bitterness of the election cycle from both sides is..

I Didn’t Build This

And I’m thankful for it. During the election President Obama gave a speech. “My side” took that speech and ran rampant with it. I don’t think he was saying what rabid talking heads thought he was saying though. I think he just said that success doesn’t just happen in a vacuum without help. He’s right. I don’t think that means that we need an overarching central government or “extra” help – but I’m thankful that I live in a nation where I had an equal opportunity to rise beyond the means I grew up in and the circumstances of my life to be where I am. I’m no millionaire, and I don’t believe I will be – it just isn’t a goal of mine… But I’m comfortable. I’ve built a skillset, I’ve built a house for my family, I put wood in the wood stove and I live a comfortable life. I’ve built one business and am a business partner in another one that is in the building stages now – Linchpin People…

I didn’t get here on my own. Not entirely, anyway. I’ve had a support system of a patient wife while I hopped jobs and gained skills. I’ve had in-laws help with child care and encourage my wife and I. They love us so much and we’re blessed by their presence in our lives. I’ve had some amazing mentors. I have some insanely smart and talented business partners in Brian and Andy. I live in a nation with an infrastructure that allowed me to grow in technology. I live in a nation that had a structure that allowed me to hold my nose and jump in the pool (the link there is one of the blog posts I’m most “proud of”, by the way).

I may not have voted for President Obama, but I think I know what he meant and I’m thankful for that. I live in a nation where I had this opportunity. I wasn’t guaranteed success – I had to pull up my own boot straps, but my chances of success were made easier by all those around me. I’m thankful for that. So thankful.

Have a blessed thanksgiving – and thanks for reading this post. I appreciate all of the people who actually seem to enjoy reading my writing. I think you are odd for it, but I’m thankful for it.

The post Thankful – And I Didn’t Build It appeared first on Straight Path Solutions, a SQL Server Consultancy.

This post is all about my Savior and my faith. If that isn’t your kind of reading, check out one of the other posts from this series-

• Perspective - Why looking back at past challenges can make current ones seem, well, not that big.
• Relationships - I am where I am in large part because of the people who have put time into my life. Relationships matter.
• Self Employment – I made the decision to try it this year, and I’m glad I did. I think you can make that same decision.
  
• Community – The SQL Server community is an amazing community of technologists that gets stuff done.

What is Grace and Why be Thankful?

Some have turned the word grace into an acronym – God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense – and I like it. That sums grace up quite well, I think. Another definition that works is, Unmerited Favor.  These drive at the same point – Grace is a gift. Grace is a gift from God. Grace is a gift from God that we don’t deserve. Grace is a gift of God through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ, that we don’t deserve. But he still offers it.

I never realized all this before I started talking to Christians. I had my own notions of Christianity before. I thought Christians were mean, self-righteous people who worked at good works to earn favor with God. I thought they were all hypocrites. I wasn’t sure what I believed about the eternal state of my soul but I certainly felt that I hadn’t done anything that bad. I hadn’t killed anyone, I helped other people, I shared. I figured I’d be fine and didn’t need to turn into one of them.

It wasn’t until I started a Bible study with a Pastor who was trying to answer all of my objections to Christianity that I realized that the Christianity I saw on TV or even in the way some faiths try to live it out wasn’t what the Bible said at all. Condensed way down -

God is perfect. God is Holy. God is Righteous. God is Truth. Our sin separates us from that type of being. We can’t ever enter into His presence in a state of sin – nor would we ever want to. If you think of God’s standard as a “heavenly yardstick” with holiness at the full yard, we barely measure a quarter of an inch with our “good” or with our  attempts at “righteousness”. God’s standard is Himself – Romans 3:23 describes this standard – “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” One lie is enough. One lustful look is enough. One selfish, pride-filled moment is enough. One moment of greed is enough. You get the point. We daily fall short of the glory of God. Whether you are Christopher Hitchens, Mike Walsh, Billy Graham or your dear grandmother this holds true.

So where does that leave us? Condemned in our sins – heading towards the just punishment for those sins – an eternity apart from Christ (Romans 6:23a – For the wages of sin is death). In fact it isn’t even a punishment only, it is what we want. If we don’t want to chase after God in this life, if we don’t want to love Him then why would He force us into His presence forever? Whether we want to admit it or not (and I didn’t for the longest time) – our sin has a price. Our sin fixes a gulf between us and God.

But Grace created a bridge. God’s grace provided a path – the only path – to salvation. Out of a motivation of Love (John 3:16), God sent Christ to take our place. The only One who could legally pay the price of sin – for He was man – and the only One who could pay the price for all that ever have or will live – for He was God. This Christ came to earth, as history and secular scholars agree, and took on our punishment on that cross. He laid down His life, but more – he faced the punishment of our sin on that cross. His fellowship with His Father was broken, He bore the full weight of our sin. Romans 5:6-10, one of my favorite passages in the Bible, describes this act:

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. (Romans 5:6-10 NASB – emphasis mine)

That’s grace. Grace is a gift. It is a gift offered to all people in all times but having a gift offered doesn’t mean it’s ours. If we need a lifesaving blood transfusion and someone is willing to offer it to us – that isn’t enough to save our life. We have to accept that gift and apply it to our lives. We have to receive the blood. We have to open ourselves to it. God’s grace -  God’s unmerited favor – is the same. We have to accept it. We have to receive it and believe it. At that moment we get to see the joy in the second part of Romans 6:23 – It started with “For the wages of sin sin is death”  but I thank God that it doesn’t end there. Instead it ends “But the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus” That’s grace. I’m thankful for Grace. I’m thankful for God entering history to make a difference for me. I’m thankful that 10 years ago I was convicted of where I was on that yardstick and realized that my “good acts” mattered not for eternity in light of all the ways I fall short. I’m thankful for all the people along that path.

To this day, I still hold that this is a decision I would have NEVER MADE on my own. I didn’t want it, I didn’t think I needed it and I thought that I was smarter than “those” Christians. I was relying on me and thought the Bible to be foolish (The Bible even says it is foolishness to those who are perishing, as I was! – 1 Cor 1:18). God, through His Grace hasn’t left me in that state. I have banked my eternity on His grace and after ten years of answered prayers, walking with Him, Bible study, apologetics study, research, etc. I can say with confidence that my faith is well founded. That the grace it is built on is real.

Not Holier Than Thou

As I see the Christians I spend time with – the committed, Bible believing, Grace reliant Christians – I see that the perceptions I had of holier than thou attitudes were not typical of Christians at all. The perception of people working hard at being better than everyone else was not Christianity! I’ll even say that those churches that rely on works for salvation are not founded on Biblical principles. Salvation is a gift of grace. That means that I’m not any better or worse than Billy Graham. That means that I don’t deserve this grace any more or less than Ron Bronski (His story is an interesting one). You see these Christians that I started getting to know are all people, just like me. They have hurts. They have pains. They mess up and still make mistakes after accepting Christ but they are still different. Their hearts are burdened for Jesus. Their hearts ache when they mess up, they have a love for others and a spirit of giving that puts the United Way to shame.  They don’t judge, because they realize that they are the same. They don’t judge because they know they, too, need grace. I’m telling you, you haven’t seen love like the love you see when a group of Christians comes around another battling sin or battling something personal and perhaps even embarrassing. The outpouring of love isn’t natural, it isn’t something that the world normally resorts to. It is the result of that Grace that they’ve received. I am so thankful for the loving church I go to. The compassionate believers I worship our Creator with. Thankful for the love they show new believers, visitors and even believers who fall down. We are called to be Christ to people and the Christians who work at this instead of seeing their mission as condemning and distancing actually make a difference in lives every day. I’m thankful for that.

A Community

Last, but not least, I’m thankful for the #PassPrayers group and discussion list. I’m thankful that Christians are part of one body – Christ’s body. That we are united by something that lasts for eternity. Wherever I go, when I meet a Christian – there is an instant friendship, there is a closeness that I can’t describe. I got to witness it first hand at this years SQLPASS and saw the impact the #PassPrayers group had. Brothers and sisters from around the world gathered together to share prayer requests, to share burdens, to Worship our God in song and thanksgiving. It was great. It was actually the highlight of the entire conference. There were deep hurts shared openly at prayer request time. There were unashamed, unembarrassed voices lifted loudly to bring praise to God in public while we sang along with Rob Farley and his guitar. Even now, the #PassPrayers e-mail group is active. Sharing encouragements, stories, prayer requests and looking to have more meetings across the country. I am so incredibly thankful for the technology that allows us to stay connected, for the hearts that are willing to share with others, for the hearts that pray for others. I’m thankful for God’s grace that allows me to be a member of the body of Christ.

The post I’m Thankful For: Grace appeared first on Straight Path Solutions, a SQL Server Consultancy.

• Perspective - Why looking back at past challenges can make current ones seem, well, not that big.
• Relationships - I am where I am in large part because of the people who have put time into my life. Relationships matter.
• Self Employment – I made the decision to try it this year, and I’m glad I did. I think you can make that same decision.
  
• Community – To quote a mall or theme park map, “You are here”
  
• Grace – I touched on this in the relationships section but I’m going to talk a bit more about grace and perhaps Pass Prayers on Friday.
  

This Thing We Call “Community”

Or, as Thomas LaRock put it – #sqlfamily…

I’ve blogged about the SQL Server community before a couple of times (“Community, Community, Community” comes to mind first) but I still think it’s a mighty neat group of technologists. I am not even sure how it came to be this way and I’d love to study the family tree someday to figure out why this community is different than some other technology communities. To clarify when I talk about the SQL Server community, I’m talking mainly about the folks who actively blog, read blogs, tweet, speak at or attend events, answer questions on SQL Server Central, actively vote in the SQL PASS elections, etc.

So what is there to be thankful for about this community? Well in no particular order, let me count the ways – I’m thankful that…

We don’t always agree but we just about always get along.

To me the classical examples are the things we aren’t supposed to talk about in public. Faith. Politics. Dynamic SQL vs. Stored Procedures (Stored Procedures, btw) Surrogate Keys vs. Natural Keys, etc.

There have been many a sidetracked twitter conversation that escalated into a multiple person conversation with folks on very different sides. We’ve talked about heated points. There have been animated discussions over political policies and the direction a nation should go. Tough discussions/debates on principles of faith. Yet.. Yet.. It seems like anytime I see (or take part in) one of those discussions, everyone ends up knowing each other a bit better, finding points of agreement and even making new friendships with people whose views completely clash with your own. I’ve seen families torn apart by these divisions yet we find unity in our differences. That doesn’t mean I am endorsing views I disagree with – it means I see that a human being holds them and I want to learn about myself and my world through their views or why they came to them. That is a common attitude. I am thankful that we all can just get along.

The “leaders” seem to pour themselves into other people.

Have you seen the movie Pay It Forward? Well it’s almost like that kid was person one in the SQL Server community. With rare exception, take a look at the people with the “must visit” blogs or “must read” books. Take a look at the long time SQL Server MVPs, the sought after speakers, etc. They almost all share a trait that you don’t always see everywhere – They can’t help but help bring others up. Everyone who is active in this community of technologists seems to want to see others grow. Even the well experienced and much desired consultants at the top of their game seem only happy to give referrals to other consultants. They seem happy to give tips to others. They all realize there are a lot of potential customers and rather than get stingy and hoard knowledge, they share it and hope others do well. That’s different. Everyone learns something every day if they stay active in the SQL Server Community. SQL Saturday leaders have to say no to speakers because so many people want to learn by teaching. We are a community of learners and teachers.

We take time to get to know each other.

Meaningful relationships. When there is a SQL Server event (conference, SQL Saturday, etc.) I always bump into at least one person (and usually a lot more) that I know fairly well. Someone who wants to know how I’m really doing. Someone I care about and want to know more. Plenty of razzing and joking to go around but when someone is stuck… When someone is down on their luck… When someone needs a job… When someone needs prayer… When a family member dies… The community rallies around that person. The only real superiority contest I ever see is who can outgive or outcare someone else. That’s different than any other technology community I’ve been a part of.

 We could fix this country.

Seriously. Some of those political twitter conversations I mentioned? We talk about hard issues. We come at them from different points of view but through our logical and rational thought processes, we usually end up exploring the heart of the matter. We end up finding the points that unite us and let go of partisan bickering or allegiances. We talk about some interesting real solutions together. You fire Congress (all of them) and replace them with members of the SQL Server community and I think this nation is a bit closer to solving those issues that plague us perennially. Common sense wins. Logic wins. Doing what’s right for all wins.

We love new members of the SQLFamily.

No jealousy. No frustration with someone learning. We welcome people just starting out and put on big events for them at our Summits, we go out of our way to find the “new ones” and ask “how’s this summit treating you? Are you learning everything you wanted to learn? Have you met  so and so yet?” I was just chatting about this with Brent Ozar the other day and he drew a parallel to High School. I think it works…. If the SQL Server community were a High School or Middle School – there would be less traumatic memories for some… If the SQL Server community were a lot of workplaces, new employees would be more productive. Again – the folks in this community pour themselves into others and want to see new folks learn as much as possible and they love helping them out there.

So yeah, I’m thankful for this SQL Server community I fell into when I got deeper into SQL Server. I have some friendships that will last well beyond my time working with any one technology. I’ve seen projects touch lives (Like the Deep Dives books, Project Phoenix, etc.) and I’ve seen resources put together to get stuff done. This SQL Server community is pretty amazing.

The post I’m Thankful For: A Vibrant Technology Community appeared first on Straight Path Solutions, a SQL Server Consultancy.

Perspective - Why looking back at past challenges can make current ones seem, well, not that big.

Relationships - I am where I am in large part because of the people who have put time into my life. Relationships matter.

These are slightly off topic but I think you’ll find that there are some lessons that intersect life and career. Professional development, if you will. Today I’m going to continue and share the thanks for these first five months of working for myself. This post isn’t shared out of a bragging or self-promotion intent. The purpose, instead, is to give thanks first and to maybe encourage someone else second.

Thankful That I Did It

I have talked about and thought about this decision off and on over the past few years but it never seemed right. Even when I started approaching the decision it took awhile from me to go from the “thinking about” to “doing phase. I tell you, though – it has been great since making the choice. I am thankful for the “leading up to” events that unfolded and for the confirmations along the way. Back in June as I was thinking through the final decision I used that perspective I talked about on Monday. I remembered the fear of jumping in a pool but the reward that always came once I got used to the water (that time has increased as I get older each year, btw). I wrote about that in my post, Your Dreams? They don’t come looking for you. So I went for it. People have asked me since about the motivators or driving force behind that decision and I guess it comes down to more things to be thankful for but in a nutshell:

• 80(ish) years vs. Eternity –> I’m going to be around on this planet for around 70-90 years total, if I live according to the average life expectancy.  As a Christian, I am going to live forever in perfect eternity. What is the worst that could happen right now by taking on this “risk” of working for myself? Some tough financial times, maybe some hungry days. I believe God will take care of me here and even if I suffered for the next 40 years – I’m heading to a forever in Heaven. I was talking to another Christian businessman about this and I said “it’s kind of like we are cheating.. the risk of entrepreneurship isn’t the same for us”.
• Full Time Employment Isn’t a Guarantee –> Let’s face it – look around the economy… How was I any more stable and how did I have any more job security working as a number on another’s budget?
• I Have Skills –> That’s not bragging. There are many things I don’t know but when I look around the companies that I help out, I realize that I know quite a bit more than I give myself credit for. I’ve seen differences in the clients I have helped so I knew that if I could just get in the door of clients, I’d have customers.
• Money & Time –>  My wife has changed me in many ways. My faith has changed me in many ways. One of those ways is having an attitude of giving. I firmly believe that all of my time and all of my money is God’s. Working for myself means I have the opportunity to potentially have a bit more of each – that means I have the chance to give more of it away. We love giving and I have more freedom there financially now. I also have more freedom to engage differently in ministries and give my time – or even my skills – to those ministries, charities, etc. that need them.
• My Kids are Kids Once –> Now this is an area I need to fix in the business – when to say no, when to decide which projects can be taken on at the same time, etc. but one of the motivations is that I can be more flexible. That I can take my daughter to a class, that I can do events during business hours with my kids more often than previously. That we can have a “slow” income month, dip into savings and work less and do more with them. As I learn more about myself and working for myself I’ll balance the schedule out and have the ability to be around more.
• I had a Network –>  Linked In, Former co-workers, recruiters, other consultants who somehow trust me enough to recommend people to me, friends of friends of clients. I have a network of people already and that beats marketing dollars. So far because of that network, because of being “out there”, I’ve been too busy to figure out how to market. Now I’m working on that because it won’t always be like that but I knew I had contacts.

When I looked at those facts and reasons, I had to say “If I don’t jump in the pool, I’ll never even have a chance to get used to the water”.

Thankful For Pioneers

I got to talk to some people who have successfully led businesses of their own. People like Brian Moran. People like the owners of Winxnet, the company I left full time employment with (but stayed very close partners with – helping them with their SQL work from afar), people like Joe Webb or Andy Kelly. People like Paul Randal and Brent Ozar. People like Karen Lopez. These people all gave advice, encouragement and even warnings and honesty when I was either making the decision or after I made it. All of them working in the same space, but all of them offering their time to see me be successful. I am so thankful for those relationships.

Thankful for Providence

Two opportunities came up at the same time that would have only worked if I were on my own. Winxnet was okay with seeing me try to go on my own and still do their advanced SQL stuff for them as a partner instead of employee. All of these things came at once, as I was praying and thinking about the decision. It was like I walked up to the automatic door at a grocery store by thinking about going on my own, by praying for the decision making process and the doors just swung open. Even after going on my own, I’ve actually had to just turn away clients because I realized I was taking on too much and had to say “no” or “not yet” or “call these guys instead” to give the best service to my clients. I really do serve a God who answers prayers.

Thankful for Clients

I’ve worked with some great folks. Winxnet with some steady (and fun) work; The well known online travel industry site that I’ve been learning Hadoop and Hive at while improving their SQL environment, the Credit Union that has given me some steady work and some patience as I sort my schedule out, the training opportunities, the opportunities to help Microsoft Learning with some projects, and many other projects. I’ve worked on some fun projects, I’ve taught a lot and learned just about as much in the process of helping people get the most out of SQL Server. I am thankful that clients give me a try and I’m thankful for the longer term relationships that many have formed through working with them.

Thankful For Support

My wife has put up with this adjustment and me being home a lot more. We’re still married. In fact, when I was going back and forth on my decision and having that “what did I just set in motion.. how will I find clients?” thing  she was great. She gave me a pep talk and reminded me of all of the calls from recruiters that I could just take some job I wouldn’t love but could do for 3-6 months while I figured it out. She was supportive and has been supportive even when the schedule hasn’t been as free as I thought it would be going into it. She’s been so supportive.

Thankful For “That Feeling”

I gotta say. When I went to the secretary of state’s office in shorts, t-shirt and sandals to file the paperwork to incorporate my llc, I felt great. When I go do a walk through with a client and tell them that their most frequently run query (by a wide margin) used to take 3-80 seconds and with a little work I have it down to an average measured in milliseconds it feels great to know they’ll have happier customers and can feel better about selling to more. When I see a light-bulb go off  when teaching a DBA a tip or trick it rocks. There are many occasions to get what I call “That Feeling” and I love it. Now, instead of just solving problems and making things go faster, be more secure or reliable – I am doing that but I am also creating something – a business – at the same time. While I pray about the business and know that God is in control, I also know that I have the ability to make something or nothing out of this thing I’m trying and that is a great feeling (and a scary one at times also).

Thinking about going off on your own? Send me an e-mail. I’d love to talk to you about the lessons I’m learning even now as I am trying to see how this first year of full time self employment goes. I can share some of the “just starting out” lessons which are still fresh in my mind because I’m only just now learning them.

But yeah. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to go into business on my own in this bad economy and make something that sustains itself.

The post I’m Thankful For: Self Employment appeared first on Straight Path Solutions, a SQL Server Consultancy.

This is Thanksgiving week here in the US. This week, I am going to try and share a post each day about something I’m thankful for. We’ll started Monday with perspective and continue today with Relationships. Lots of different types. This topic is definitely Off-Topic and I talk about the Bible and my faith a little bit throughout it. If you want SQL stuff only, avert your eyes

But first… Why Give Thanks? A few reasons depending on the lens you wish to employ. For me, sometimes I forget to show thankfulness – so consciously “counting my blessings” is a good way to remember how I’ve been blessed – it helps me have an attitude of gratitude. Like I talked about in the perspective post, thinking of things to be thankful for is a great way to face the next challenge. It sounds corny, but a glass half full attitude really does produce something different in you than a glass half empty kind of attitude. Finally, It’s God’s will that His people are thankful people – 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reads, “in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” I firmly believe that the good that comes to me (and the good that seems to come out of me occasionally) is from God.

So… What kind of relationships am I thankful for?

Mentors

Along the way of life I’ve had a few mentors. I’ve probably had more than come to mind but one of the most influential in the professional world has to be a former manager of mine, George. I blogged about him before so I won’t go into all of the details but I’m thankful that throughout my career and my life there have been people willing to invest their time and their energy into me with nothing expected in return. Through a few conversations with Brian Moran, Joe Webb, Andy Leonard and other successful SQL Server independent consultants, I paved the road to go into business for myself this summer with eyes wide open. When considering a position on the board of directors for SQL PASS this year I had an excellent, and honest, conversation with Brent Ozar about it. Through that conversation I realized that it wasn’t what I needed to do to accomplish what I wanted to see PASS accomplish.

I’m thankful for mentors. What makes a mentor? I don’t know the textbook answer but I think it is someone who embodies these qualities - Concern for others before themselves, Listening Skills, Honesty, Integrity (putting that honesty to good use even if they are saying something you don’t want to hear and they don’t want to have to tell you), Desire for others to succeed. Someone who has had success in whatever area you are being mentored in and has those qualities is a rare find. So I think the folks like George, Andy Kelly, Andy Leonard, Brian Kelley, Pastor Andrews, Pastor Arnold, Brian Moran, etc. who posses those qualities and have formed some shaping towards who and where I am today.

Family

I have a whole family – well the immediate family anyway My kids love my wife and I. My wife loves me. She knows my weaknesses and loves me anyway. She gives  me an honesty check every now and again. She sees me struggling with a work problem and reminds me gently that God isn’t just “God of the big” with her, “Well have you prayed about it?” reminder. Next August we’ll be celebrating our 10th year and while there have been momentary valley’s, we’re growing closer together in different ways. I love her and she loves me. She cared enough about me as a human when we first met to more or less point out where I was wrong in life, where I was on the path to ruin. Through our early friendship and what it became, I’ve grown up in so many ways. Throughout our relationship she’s been a part of me dredging up some ugly baggage from childhood and  she’s helped me unpack that all nicely. Through her and her family, I got to see what Christianity was actually all about.

My kids are great. 6, 3 an 1 and they each teach me different lessons about life. I see the way they watch me and it humbles me. It scares the heck out of me that these kids want to emulate daddy and mommy (the mommy part doesn’t scare me). They are precious and I thank God for bringing each one of them into my life. I thank God that we have our health, when so many I know don’t. That we are functional – I didn’t grow up as part of a functional family, it is pleasing to know that that isn’t something that prevents me from living in one now.

I’m thankful for restored relationships in the larger family of in and out laws. I have parent in-laws who are great and love me for who I am and treat me like their own kid. I have in-laws who adore my children and see them nearly every day. They love them and they are positive influences on them.

Christian Brothers and Sisters

Until I was 21 or so I thought Christianity was about doing. I thought it was about holier than thou people who were better than I could ever be and unless I picked up their rule book and followed it word for word I’d never be one of them. I didn’t want to be one of them – I thought they were joyless, hypocritical, mean spirited, self centered, arrogant, self-righteous fools. I got this from the few random church services I attended, watching TV and seeing the attitudes of some of the more vocal “do as I say” crowd. It was only after I actually met Christians – people who have admitted they were with sin, people who admitted the need for a savior and who believed and trusted on Christ – that I realized my stereotypical view was false. It was only after I met true Christians that I ever heard that the Gospel wasn’t “I’m better than you, be like me and you’ll be fine, kiddo” but it was actually “I’m broken too. I sin, I do things I don’t want to do and don’t do things I want to do. I’ve tried to be ‘good enough’ but I had to admit I can’t be so I believe and trust on Christ and He’s changed me and He can change you, too.  I would have never come to Christ on my own but I didn’t have to – He came to me from the Christians he put in my path (Phil when I was in High School an he planted a seed.. Megan when she met me. Her mom and grandparents. The people at First Baptist Church, Pastor Andrews there) and He stole me – in spite of my best efforts to protest. I’m a different person because of this relationship that I didn’t want and would have never looked for. I’m a different person because people loved me – in spite of areas of my life that weren’t lovable. In spite of hard sin, they loved me anyway.

Band Of Four – I’m also incredibly thankful for the bond I’ve been developing with three dear Christian brothers in the SQL Server Community (Jack Andy and Brian). We meet regularly and are going through a tough and introspective Bible study together right now. These brothers know me as well as I know myself. I can totally let down any guard with them – and do. They see the good Mike and they see the bad Mike. We are bonded in Christ and a closeness that is unlike I’ve ever had with anyone other than my wife. We challenge each other to properly prioritize our life (Christ first) and we check in on each other. When Jack’s dad had been going through his battle with cancer and his hospice days, our prayers were deep and from the heart – to the point of being moved to tears just thinking of our brother’s father going through this. This is like mentors but on steroids. We keep each other accountable. We lift each other in prayer. I am so deeply thankful for these Christian friendships and the growth I’ve seen in my own walk with Christ from it.

So.. What relationships are you thankful for this Thanksgiving season?

Tomorrow I’ll give thanks for my business and the journey these past 4-5 months of independent consulting have been. Thursday it will be my profession – the SQL Server community, bloggers, etc. and Friday? Well I guess we’ll just have to see what is laid on my heart by then.

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A Gigantic Boulder, a Tremendous Hill and a Big Neighborhood

From the age of 5-12, I lived in a decent sized sub-division. I lived at the bottom of a huge hill, far away from the street. I had huge trees in my backyard, the biggest swamp I ever saw across the street and the commuter train ran behind the house way way off in the distance. I blame my Nintendo and interesting childhood, but I have more outdoors memories of the younger part of those years and recently I made a quick visit to my stomping grounds of childhood. I can vividly remember exploring those deep woods. I can vividly remember climbing that mountain of a hill with such a steep grade. I remember making big treks way out to the train tracks to throw a penny on the tracks. I can still remember “ghost riding” my bike down that hill. I can still remember using the road sand to dam the water coming down to the swamp after a heavy spring rain. It was fun. Once, when we were old enough, I remember foraging deep into the woods and finding a mountain to climb… Well it wasn’t a mountain, it was just the biggest rock you could ever imagine! We spent hours climbing this mountain, running around it and having fun on its summit. I remember spending time hidden in the bushes along the side of the road spying on the cars that would drive by occasionally on our dead end street, cleverly hidden in the thick underbrush. Those were some great days of my childhood. Running around the huge outdoors, playing in the expanse of our suburban wilderness back yard.

So, a few years ago when going down the familiar exit to my home of 9 or so years to visit a client, I had to make a detour on the way home. I wanted to see if I could find my way to that neighborhood. To see how it has changed. See if I noticed any of the neighbors I hung out with or their parents (that was back in the day where you’d let your kids into neighbor’s houses, when you invited your neighbors to cookouts, etc.). I did manage to find my way there. But what I saw shocked me. It made me feel off about something. I can’t even explain that emotion when I saw the neighborhood, but I felt like I was in a different world. I felt like I was huge, or someone shrunk my neighborhood. I had to go back there today when driving down that way again for a different client.. I had to see what happened. I had to see if I could find that mountain I climbed, the one we called “Bum Rock”. Why? Because I already knew I wanted to blog about perspective and I wanted some pictures — Plus I’m a sentimental kind of guy…

So.. I found that mountain again today. I found the road again today. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So I’ll share a couple:

Bum Rock Perspective - Then? A mountain. Now? I "summitted" it in one stride (from the opposite, and steeper, side)

Steep Hill Perspective - Then? You should have seen how proud I was when I rode my bike up this mountain! Now? .10 miles, wouldn't even be fun to sled down.

What Changed?

I did. I grew up. My house was a gentle beach ball toss from the house, not miles. The train tracks? I could have thrown a pebble and hit a train from the back porch. Those bushes I “hid” in? I bet those adults had more fun pretending I wasn’t there than I had thinking I was spying on them. The trek out to “Bum Rock” through the deep woods at the top of the hill? I found it in 20 seconds on a well worn path of leaves to the from the top of the hill. Those distant neighbors? I could have spit on their house if I wanted to. That huge expanse of a swamp we caught bull frogs in? I had to look really carefully to find it

I changed. I grew up. My perspective changed. As a kid those things were huge. Some of them even insurmountable at first. Scary thoughts like, “Up -that- hill without training wheels and without falling?!?!!?”

Why Be Thankful For Perspective?

Many reasons. In fact I think speakers, bloggers and Pastors should go visit where they grew up. I bet they’d have inspiration and illustrations enough for at least a half dozen talks/posts/etc. But I’ll zero in on two reasons in particular right now on why I’m thankful for perspective -

Learning Doesn’t Scare Me

Let me give you a recent example of how my experience with SQL Server has me more excited than scared to learn to play the guitar…

12 years ago, I didn’t know what SQL was. I didn’t know what SQL Server was. I didn’t even know what a database was. Probably 6 years ago I didn’t have an understanding of what column or index statistics were. I didn’t know what to do with that scary looking query plan thing the SQL consultants used 7 years ago. When I started learning to go deeper with SQL Server, I was intimidated by even the basic building blocks. It was intimidating. Today? I teach some of these concepts to clients! I speak on them at SQL Server events. I blog about them. I get paid to help clients out with them as a consultant.

This month, I decided I wanted to learn to play an instrument. My daughter is learning the piano, I like listening to worship music with guitar strumming in it. I wanted to learn to play a guitar, so I bought one and have been talking to people like Rob Farley and Buck Woody about the process. Rob started giving me advice and started talking about musical notes, chords, “chord shapes”, Capos, measures, bridges, etc. I’ll be honest. My gut reaction was, “Feet don’t fail me now! I’ll never pick these things up, I don’t even know the basics!!!” But then it hit me… I was exactly there with SQL Server 12 years ago. I’m not bragging, because I have much to learn still, but “look at me now” with regards to those SQL skills – a lot of changes these past t2 years. That perspective became my deep breath.

I’ve reminded my six year old daughter of some of her “before” attitudes to help her build these experiences with perspective a couple times lately. She is reading certain words, even some of the “first reader” stories. She is even writing some of the “first reader” stories herself. One year ago when she knew she’d be learning to make words out of letters in the coming months or year her reaction was “Wahhh!!! I can’t do it! How can I do it?! I don’t know how to do it! I can’t read!!”. Now she uses inflection when she hits a question mark. She uses exclamation in her voice when reading a sentence with an exclamation mark. I like to do my best impression of her “before I could read” attitude to remind her she’s more than capable.

I Appreciate Where I Am

It’s that simple. When I look at many aspects of my life with a lens of perspective, I realize how much I have to be thankful for. As we continue this week, many of the “I’m Thankful For: ” posts are built on looking at where I am and how I view life now compared to the time I like to call, “then“. I am humbled by things I’ve done, said, or believed in the past. I’m embarrassed by ways I’ve gotten things wrong. I am where I am because of a lot of great people in my life, because of grace, because of providence in a few cases. I have so much to be thankful for. When I look around at the world. When I look at the circumstances so many are in, and see how much I’ve been blessed with, I realize I have much to be thankful for. This perspective can help ground me and realize that I don’t really have any needs unmet. In fact this perspective even challenges me to give more of my time and reousrces to those with less. Be that in the form of child sponsorship, investing in the career growth of another or just loving someone with the same grace I was loved with way back when.

Get Some!

Perspective… Take a look at your past, your journey towards where you are now. Take a look at with the perspective of where you are now. Ever think you’d get to where you are? So why is that new challenge so scary? Why are yo so afraid to make a jump?

Related Posts

• Your Dreams? They Don’t Come Looking For You –> This was my favorite post of the year. I wrote it more to myself when I was in the final decision making process of deciding to jump on my own. Your dreams really don’t come looking for you, and if you let fear paralyze you, you’ll be guaranteed to miss them.
• Are You Planting Asparagus?
• “Captains Mentor and Teach”
• SQL Quiz On Leadership
• I Grew Up Before my Very Eyes

* Bum Rock - This was named by little kids. I think this picture illustrates the genesis of the name…

A rock by any other name...

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